My wife says , “seeking justice is okay, but not simply justice for yourself.”
Status holders, hotel reviewers, and pro-consumers suck at this. It is wrong to set out seeking justice so you can reap benefits and stroke your own ego. All in the name of your status but hurting people on the side. These people suck. I’ve felt this way for a while.
And you know what? It takes one to know one.
Recently, I made a complaint about a hotel on TA and when the manager asked to speak to me, I told myself I would take no compensation. I didn’t do it for compensation but rather for “information”…
But my wife is right, that is bull. I did it because of my ego, or pride or something similar but equally dangerous. And worse, most complaints are done for self-benefit.
My point today is; self-benefit comes at what cost? Actually, I have three points that I’ll strive to make, that are making me rethink things.
- Defaming hurts people
- The hotels suffer from far too many “elites”
- What a bad habit it is to gain from critizing others
Being negative can be unjustly defaming
As mentioned, I recently had an experience where I complained about something that was an actual issue, but didn’t think about the actual consequences of my actions. And I think it perfectly show-cases how one’s ego and “personal justice” can unjustly defame a hotel. Here’s what happened:
1) Kiev is beautiful in many ways, but it doesn’t matter where you stay or live, there are third world conditions you have to deal with. Namely, I experienced an issue with the power and water consecutively, which led to an issue with the tub.
Despite the unfortunate situation, it’s not something a hotel can avoid in this city. If you’ve traveled to farflung locations or third world countries, you’ve experienced similar things. Not the Hyatt, nor the Fairmont, nor any hotel could avoid these issues, for now.
2) But despite being told multiple times by the organization that the hotel would make things, right… I never heard from the hotel. I was told by the chain, that someone would be sent to clean up the mess, and nothing happened. I expressed that I understood that things like this happen, but still expected a 5 star hotel to recognize the trouble and properly respond to the issue.
3) The ego. Why do I care about “recognition?” I hear elite members say this all the time, “they didn’t recognize me as a Diamond member” or what not. Recognize? What the heck?
How did my ego come to care about my problems being recognized? Or my status being recognized. What am I a rapper? “They best recognize!”
4) I wrote a negative review.
After this and some other issues, I wrote a review. Actually, what really happened is that I went to write a review on the company’s site and they censored it! Which annoyed my ego more!
So then what?
The hotel general manager did what any general manager would do and contacted me. Of course he is biased and desperately wants to have only good reviews, but he gently pointed out something terrible about the review. I had to concede.
What I did not think about is this: if someone has never been to Kiev, they may not understand that the situation referenced is not unique to the hotel. In others words, the average reader would be disgusted by the thought of issues of dirt in water (even after a power outage), and would never stay at that hotel, (wrongly thinking it’s a problem with the hotel, not the city.)
Even though my review expressed concern about the response to the issue as my main annoyance, the reader would only hear about the issues with the water.
This happens every day. You get on TripAdvisor and write reviews because your ego was wronged by a hotel, and in doing so, you hurt that hotel’s reputation. And you may even be just! But you may not realize the additional implications and results of your terrible review.
You hurt people.
Even if you are pro capitalist and say, “hey, if business is taken across the street to a different hotel, ultimately it stays in the economy. It is going somewhere either way and either way you are not paying some hotel. Plus the hotel is a business, and businesses should be paid based on how they provide for their customers.”
Good points. Maybe you aren’t hurting jobs all that much. A loss of one job is the creation of another. Yada, yada… but, people taking pride in their work. People put their identity and self-worth in their work. You can see it in the eyes of a general manager and the cleaning lady alike. You can hurt that.
Now, fortunately this hotel has a great GM, but many hotels do not. When you complain about your service, the management goes off on the employees. Employees could even be fired.
The reason I think this is extra terrible is simply because bad management prohibits employees from doing their job well. They are given no freedom to make decisions.
So imagine this:
The employee you are dealing with has no power. They have no power to provide you with the room you need, the services you want, the products missing, etc… They have no power. Or they have to delegate those things and it takes a long time.
My biggest recommendation is that hotels (like any management) empower their employees. They should be able to send a bottle of wine to a room or be the ones to solve your problem. But not all management allows it.
So imagine that your problem is slow to get resolved because of the infrastructure of the hotel. And then you complain. Now imagine the management gets a bad review. Obviously they don’t want to admit they’ve done a bad job, so they blame it on the employee.
You might think you are punishing the right person but you are not. Or at least you can’t guarantee that you are, even if you try.
Elite entitlement has gone way too far!
You might think the hotel is to blame, but maybe it’s not.
Here is another irony. You think you have earned elite status with a hotel chain. But then you go into the hotel and are upset when you don’t get an upgrade.
Reality check: there are more elites than non elites!
I hear this over and over and over, that management has more elites than upgrades available. And yet, I hear mid-tier elites demanding suite upgrades all the time. It’s insane. But I don’t care what your elite status is, the problem isn’t the hotel, the problem is the number of elites.
Or the problem is the entitlement of the elites.
Hotels don’t always benefit from corporate ideas. In fact, sometimes they are put in hard places. Sometimes you think the suck is coming from the housekeeping or people on the bottom. But in fact, the source of the suck is all the way on top.
You just don’t know, so don’t assume you do.
Similarly, I wrote a review about the hotel not responding, but in hindsight, it is obvious they never knew of the situation despite delegation IHG headquarters telling me they would.
The evils of compensation
Compensation for trashing a hotel is the worst positive reinforcement I can think of! Even if you are not publicly defaming a hotel or company, you are still costing them.
It actually genuinely upsets me that people teach, conspire and aim to complain to a hotel for the primary purpose of compensation. You don’t realize that you are costing someone and again, the blame may be passed down. You might be hurting the jobs of people on the bottom.
But even if you are just, even if you are wronged, and even if no one will suffer, think about your actions like this:
- Am I doing this because of my ego?
- Am I doing this for compensation or self-benefit?
- Will it hurt someone?
If yes, don’t!
And I’ll be the first to admit fault- that’s what I just did.
<Side rant about my ego>
This hobby and industry has made my ego pursuing habits seem okay, but they aren’t.
You know, not but a few years ago, I had never stayed in a 4 or 5 star hotel. I think three star hotel were very rare, and a special treat. We didn’t have money for that crap.
According to Expedia star ratings, the last time I stayed at a hotel that wasn’t a 4 or 5 star hotel was the Radisson San Juan, Puerto Rico. They still gave me lounge access, and it was still “3.5 stars”. That was a little while ago, and since then I have stayed in many nice hotels including many InterContinental, Park Hyatt and Radisson Blu hotels, just within the last few months all over Europe.
I’m so spoiled. And instead of waking up yesterday and thinking about how blessed I was, my ego got in the way. Luxury became normal and elite entitlement became standard.
Maybe it was the view from the Park Hyatt Shanghai or the InterContinental Hong Kong, that peaked my taste for such wonderfully located hotels. Or maybe it was being “recognized” by name every time I walked into the Ritz Carlton Central Park that stroked my ego. I don’t know.
But, I sincerely apologize to the hotels that I have unfairly treated in the name of pro-consumer justice.
(Although I still think IHG should get out of the stone age and stop being proud of offering free internet to elites 5 years late and start offering benefits on award stays and guaranteed lounge access to Royal Ambassadors… also 5 years late! I think IHG has ego issues too. And as the graffiti in Panama City reminds us all, “your ego is not your amigo.” As they surely lose a lot of business on that.)
</side rand on my ego>
Where was I…
Yea, so don’t do it. Don’t write letters to the hotels with the simple goal of complaining. I did it once, I wrote to Southwest after they majorly diverted a flight over a seemingly non-urgent conflict with a passenger. We got $75 each towards southwest.
Even if they did actually cost me a lot of time that could have been spent working, I’m not doing it anymore. It is terrible positive reinforcement. When you complain, you get paid. Think about what that does to you as a person!
As my wife said, “we are impressionable, even to ourselves.” You determine your character and create your own habits. What kind of character are you seeking?
And the entire time, the internet remains so anonymous, you don’t see the person or your actions after.
Should I publish my negative thoughts?
I wrote a post that I just haven’t published yet on how IHG is now the worst loyalty program in terms of “recognition” of top tier members. I’ve said this before but I have a very long post on what is wrong with the program.
I even compiled quotes from the top travel bloggers all saying that they are giving up on Royal Ambassador status because of their lack of benefits on award stays and lack of club lounge access. I compiled all their bashing into one hard hitting post, explaining to IHG how they need to stop paying their “yes men” consultants to create the same program. To try to encourage them to catch up to their other programs. To realize the business they are missing out on.
But to me it’s the best program for non-elites, believe it or not. They give you next to top tier status for dirt cheap and a ton of points to redeem at the nice hotels. Its loyalty program is backwards (greatly rewarding infrequent guests rather than the most frequent), but that’s what I love about it, as my site is about using points and miles.
But despite those goods and considering all the bads, how they devalued over the years… does anyone see any good in me posting that long post? Or is that my ego wanting to be heard?
As you can see by my still ranting about it, I struggle with this already. I have had more negative experiences lately as a Royal Ambassador than as an elite at any other hotel chain. Mostly with the lack of benefits, but the other day, I went to adjust a reservation by one day and it took 2 phone calls and like a dozen emails to do so because everyone delegated the job. And this industry has told me that not only is it okay to complain, but that I should.
And ultimately is there any good in being pro-consumer? Should I be pointing out what all businesses know, that 80% of the revenue is from 20% of your customers? And that while the number of elites is growing IHG is still losing out to the other chains? Is being a good consumer being a good person?
And if I don’t post this negative thought, am I just a “yes” man too? Do I never post anything negative? Does it cut back on my contribution and accurate information?
Anyone with me?
Listen, I say this out loud because I need to change. I’ve learned that saying things publicly changes your actions. It’s true. It’s why confession works, it’s why AA’s policy of apologizing to those they’ve wronged works… It reminds you of what is good and provides you the “okay” to try again.
And I know how much this goes on. I do. We all do it. And if I can get 139 comments (and counting) on my latest nerdy post on United’s Routing & Stopover Rules, then surely someone will admit with me that our egos have gone a little too far? Surely…
Or at the very least, I want to hear some constructive conversation on pro-consumer trends of TripAdvisor and how I should handle negative experiences as a writer. I really don’t know, I’m thinking out loud here.
But really, I hope that some egos can be put aside and we can be honest. I hope there can be a more positive trend instead of a more negative trend among elite status holders, frequent flyers and well, everyone. After all, everyone is empowered with TripAdvisor. I always thought it good that hotels would actually have consequences for poor actions… but now I wonder.
Please join the dialogue. My thoughts right now are that I’d like to see people join me in complaining less, if not at all, or share their thoughts on why they are complaining/pro-consumer.
It would be great to see (though I doubt it’s likely) more comments on this post than on my last post. It’s a more worth while subject in my opinion. But after this, we’ll go back to crazy United routes and all that stuff.
There is no judgement in this post or the comments. Comments elsewhere will be judged. Kidding…
Excellent post. I myself need to start leaving reviews that better recognize positives as much as or more than any negatives.
Thanks Ralph for being the first to comment and not leave me standing alone there. 😉
I agree with you, but by my comment being posted, I am committing the same sin you are saying we shouldn’t because I am saying “look at my comment, it matters to the conversation” The point being, there is a fine line between providing information for ego and providing it for necessity and really that line is defined in the eye of the beholder. This could be our EA (Ego’s Annoymous), I am Ron and I have an ego.
That’s exactly what I’m trying to say, simply that I want to come clean about my ego issue, before it gets worse!
Regarding the reviews on TripAdviser. I have learned to take the reviews with a grain of salt. You really can tell the difference between the whiners who expect everything to be perfect and those with legitimate gripes. I read the reviews for the facts of location, ammenities, etc. I also have traveled in “third world” countries and I have come to expect the unexpected. Life is short chill!
Maybe you are right. I appreciate your comment.
I was told that it may be overestimating to think the average reader does the same though. but yea. I think I felt guilty partly because this person seemed hurt, and suddenly there is a face instead of a brand or online profile. Also, not only did I say the beds were hard, I said that adding a pad “is like like adding a yoga mat to concrete.” And second because my wife is right, we are cultivating good habits or bad ones.
As usually and/or what is obvious, I sometimes post about something 10 minutes after it happens and thus has a more dramatized perspective, in my mind. :-p
thank for the post. A really good reminder!
on reviews when deciding to do (go, eat, stay) anything, i always look for the positive things of each of those reviews.
Thanks Calvin, a good rule for writing too then. 😉
Another good post. I feel similarly – I haven’t written a negative public review of a hotel in years, and I probably won’t. If they go above and beyond, I’ll write a positive review; if there’s a recoverable problem I’ll contact management, and if there’s a non-recoverable problem I’ll simply avoid a return visit.
This is exactly my policy from here on out.
Well put. And for whatever reason, I thought of reviews like TA being pro-consumer… but that’s just how a market economy works. You get treated poorly, you don’t go back. Enough people get treated poorly the business won’t survive.
But better it be because of them than me that they lose business.
I wonder about this as well… if there is a problem at a business that I experience, and it makes me not want to go back (continue the service, or whatever), should I just withhold my business or should I tell them what the problem was so that they can “fix” it. My husband tends to think that it’s not our job, if we don’t like it, we go somewhere else, and don’t waste our time trying to tell someone else how to run their business. But then I may have no good options, perhaps no one is running their service the way I would like, and if I just told someone what the problem is, then they could improve it and then I’d be happier too? Hmm. But a multinational corporation is probably not going to change their services just for me, and a tiny hotel in a far off country is somewhere that I probably won’t return either way – so why bother catering to me? (just thinking out loud, too)
I am with Nik. I don’t ever write bad reviews anymore like I used to (probably because of ego) because I have thought about what you bring up. I have no interest in hurting an establishment or putting someone’s job in jeopardy simply because I perceive a wrong. Sometimes our perceptions can be completely off (and sometimes they are spot on). I have had a couple bad experiences in restaurants that I still haven’t brought myself to review, and it’s been over a year. If I ever do add my 2 cents in a negative way, I plan to be reasonable and magnanimous. I too skip over reviews that are ridiculously negative, where it is obvious that the person has some sort of vendetta or wants to get something for free. It’s just not worth my time anymore.
Right, something can be off with our judgements. And thus, it’s better to not develop a habit of complaining. Or so I figure.
What a great post! As you know, I am fairly new to this whole miles/points game. I have a couponing background, so I am used to couponing blogs. The first thing I noticed when finding the miles/points blogs is the negativity of comments compared to what I am used to. And, the thing that FLOORED me was when I read comments on one miles/points blog from another miles/points blogger that were super degrading and egotistical. I know this isn’t really what your question deals with, but I want to point out how excited I was to read your post. I don’t think of you as egotistical, but I do respect that you are being honest as a blogger and person. We all are guilty of having egos and I can totally see how this game can get the best of me. It actually has a few times!
But as far as negative reviews, I really do think that most of them are written out of the need to complain and blame someone/something for a less desirable experience than expected. I grew up going on only a few vacations and stayed in the lowest of hotels since that is all that my family could afford. But they were some of the best memories I had ever had with my family. I never knew the difference because the “hotel” was not what it was really about. Nowadays, we are all SO BLESSED to be able to travel to places around the world and stay in “nice” hotels. But, we need to remember that it is a privilege, not a “right”.
And sometimes, staff just have “bad days”. The day after my daughter died, I had to work at our ice cream store. I am sure thankful that no one wrote a negative review about my lack of “happiness” during my shift. You just never know who it can hurt.
God bless…
Holy cow! My comment didn’t look that long when I was writing it, sorry!
Your comment is much shorter than the 2,000+ words of mine above. :-p
Really, I am blessed. we really do wake up everyday and we remind each other how backwards our lives are. We have little money, yet we travel the world and in luxury. I should wake up feeling lucky to be here.
But the staff having a bad day thought, that’s huge. Because they are people not our help. Right? It’s their job, they do it to provide for themselves and/or their family. The fact that the could be having a really bad day and us complain, for insane things, is hurtful.
Yes, I’ve seen some terrible complaints. I’ve seen demands in this community that are full of entitlement. May it rub off no longer.
Hey Erin, I noticed the same thing about coupon vs travel blogs! It really is quite the contrast.
As someone who doesn’t care about chasing elite status and only “earn” it if it’s free and convenient, I have to agree with almost all of your points. But then again, I feel like we may be biased since we favor free travel above good-value luxury travel. I wonder if those that travel for business 50% of the year or do lots of mileage runs would feel the same since they’ve put in considerable work to earn their status.
No i hear you. Someone tweeted saying that hotel rooms are products. And that businesses should never over promise and under deliver.
And this is my thing with IHG. Why should I remain loyal when all their competitors offer lounge and breakfast as standard benefits? (The answer is points). But really, I view this an issue of business. If I’m going to pay you, what do I get?
I emailed the IC Warsaw and said, will I get lounge access as an RA? They said no, and I said what I just said. That this is really a standard benefit of any other loyalty program and they said okay, because you are special.
And to me, that’s no different than any other business transaction. My wife and I agree on that. Of course, it can cross a line too.
But in general, I don’t wish to publicly defame, critique or complain for my ego. As Nik said, the standard could be “is this resolvable?” If not, let it go.
You know there are some in this hobby who have made a science out of this “complaint for compensation” practice!
I have also found I complain less as time goes by, I just simply don’t have time for it and my threshold of “must complain” gets higher as I get older; I just let things go. At the same time, I believe hotel mgt (the good ones) DO appreciate feedback and the opportunity to resolve complaints! I have always made it a practice to give genuine feedback when it is warranted. And ALWAYS praise a hotel for an aspect (or two or more) of my stay so it is NOT 100% negative! And I am very mindful that I do not hurt the low paid staff! I do not have direct experience with RA but I do have experience as IHG Platinum…I simply don’t expect much at all 🙂
I put the people who complain constantly to get MORE points or benefits in the same camp with people who would sue an airline for not honoring a mistake fare——>intergalactic douchteroids
My thoughts on complaints for compensation are above. I may have used the word evil. 😀
But yes, I only know of the idea through this community.
“My shuttle was late, I want money!” is such a bad way to treat others, or businesses. I wish loyalty programs would fire jerk customers.
“Sir, we heard your complaint, and we are converting your points to Hilton points for you.”
Ultimately, GMs would much rather be contacted about an issue that complaints after or online!
Yes, I’m well aware that the more of jerk you are the better you are at getting free things. It’s terrible. There was an intersting thread in the Marriott forum of a former employee who said, ask me anything. People did! And the theme was that people are rude. People would always claim to know Bill Marriott and demand a suite… and some demanded a suite at another hotel. And he’s thinking, “if you wanted one so bad, why didn’t you book it.” I thought it was an awesome thread. Until… People would say, “so did you give him the upgrade” and the answer was yes. The jerks got the upgrade. :'(
Great post which made me reflect on my own actions. You do get pickier as you get used to the “good life”, so it’s important to put into perspective some of the complaints we might have. It is important to make your voice heard when there is an issue, and see what the staff or management can do to improve the situation. Most places where I’ve had a complaint, the rest of the stay or flight was actually fine. We stayed at one resort in Thailand where they really screwed up a birthday dinner, but the rest of our stay was really amazing and we still have great memories to this day. This reminds me that I need to leave some positive reviews from our last stay in Bali.
I had a similar thing with the IC Fiji. I asked for special anniversary arrangements and it completely flopped. They didn’t respond to my emails at all! I was bugged. But then they gave away all the king beds.
Here’s the best part. They told us a king bed opened up on the third day of our stay. And it’s a huge resort, btw. So we walk to reception on that day and turns out that person also gave away the king bed they told us they would give us. So we walked back to the room and we were locked out. Because someone set to switch our rooms, but the day of arrival someone gave our king away. So… that’s how it went for 8 nights. And the funny thing is I never left a complaint or emailed. I should have wrote the GM, but I didn’t like complaining then…
But to prove the getting pickier, I now have gotten upset at smaller things. I got spoiled. Or something…
Good food for thought. I fully agree that it isn’t necessary to complain about every detail that isn’t quite perfect, and that when necessary complaints should be for addressing true problems, not minor inconveniences. I have been finding more and more that hotels are proactive about wanting to know if everything is as it should be. I get questions like, “Is there anything more we can do to make your stay more enjoyable?” They want to fix problems while the guest is there, so the person can have a better stay, and yes, will comment positively both by word of mouth and online. I think people who complain just because they hope for compensation, rather than from a problem solving motivation, are indeed often acting selfishly. Someone, somewhere will write an interesting Ph.D. dissertation on the ethics, pro and con, of many aspects of the points and miles and community.
I think the key is that, they want to resolve things with you there! Not when you leave and are a number online and they are too an online profile. They want to make your stay better, it’s their job!
Boy, I think about the ethics of this game all the time. Sometimes I don’t like my own conclusions. But I was listening to Dan Ariely (behavioral economist) and he was saying that people justify stealing if it’s one step removed. For example, he did a test where he had people take a test and say how many questions they got right. For every answer they got a dollar. (honor system). But when you got a token instead of a dollar, that you could trade for a dollar, lying went up dramatically!
In other words, when you are one step removed from money by giving something an arbitrary name, people are more likely to steal.
That’s what I have to say about that.
One more thought… Rick Steves has an anecdote in one of his books where he is eating at a small restaurant in Italy and chatting with the owner who is trying to impress him with the food. And the guy says something along the lines of, “You Americans are so strange, you go to a restaurant and if you complain about the food and say it is bad, you get a free dessert. Here if you want a free dessert you must say how wonderful your meal was, and then the chef will say, ‘if you think that was good, you must try the dessert. I insist you have one on the house.'”
It’s such an interesting comment. Until I read it, I had never thought about how backwards it is that a restaurant (hotel, airline, etc) would give you a reward for telling them that you don’t like their product. Of course, it makes sense to correct a situation when there is a problem, but I think most of us would agree that that is different.